Amor Asqueroso/Escenario 2.5

Escenario 2.5
(Ghost written by:  P.Suave for Aunt Kelly)
Outskirts of Town
Durango, Durango, Mexico
Fade In:   A dusty old saloon.  Focus in on the barkeep as she looks in horror/love at Raul, the large-manly-man vaquero who just demanded to know where her brother Pepino Suave, might be found so that he might kill him. He carries with him two chalupas as an “icebreaker”.  Clearly, his thoughts are not on socializing;.  he is driven to kill the former Gringo Mariachi great Pepino Suave for some long-forgotten feud.  Only a few lonely cowboys are sitting in the saloon, completely distracted from their  hard day’s work on the rancho, as they watch this drama unfold.  Four are seated at a table, three are at the bar.  
Small Breasted Raquelita
Like I said at the end of Escenario 2, Raul, I do not know where my leetle brother eez. 
Large, Manly Man Vaquero (Raul)
Hush, my little berenjena, I have brought you a chalupa, so that you may enjoy. Let us share the fruits of Taco Bell , no?
4 Lonely Cowboys at the table (mocking, with giggles and snorts)
He said “chalupa”!
3 Lonely Cowboys at the bar (mocking, with giggles and snorts)
“I have brought you a chalupa.”  he said!

Small Breasted Raquelita
Callense, Brutos! Cannot a man bring a girl a chalupa! Does a little chalupa make him less of a man?



All Cowboys busting a gut now, falling off their chairs in a fit of laughter



Rual
Never mind those cobardes, mi princesa. Come, share with me the bounty of Taco Bell


Raquelita, batting her eyes, and licking her lips 
O.k. 



Raul takes Raquelita’s petite hand and walks her through the saw dust-strewn saloon floor toward a table next to the men’s room. He sits her down, places the chalupas between them. He slowly unwraps a chalupas without taking his eyes from hers. He carefully slides a chalupa toward the small breasted Raquelita.

Raul
Take. Buen Provecho.


Small Breasted Raquelita
Gracias, Raul. But you, are you not going to enjoy a chalupa from the harvest of  Taco Bell™ ?
Rual
No, a man waits until the lady is satisfied.
All Lonely Cowboys, in unison
Tee-hee


Raquilita eats the chalupa in two bites. She wipes her mouth with the hem of her dress and releases a gassy belch. She pauses and stares at Raul – her face shifting from devotion to horror like some kind of mad mood ring. Foam seeps from her mouth as her eyes roll back. She struggles to stand up and begins to lurch around the saloon like a drunk, bouncing off  lonely cowboys and saloon furniture like Aunt Kelly doing a cat imitation at a holiday gathering. Finally, she collapses in the urinal trough, lifeless.
Cue organ music
Lonely Cowboys, in unison
ORALE!!!!
Raul (pointing at the lonely cowboys)
I will find that maldito Pepino Suave if it the last thing I do.  What do you know of this pendejo, you cowards!
Lonely Cowboys, in unison
Why, he is a public school teacher. He traded his mariachi band for a chalk board and a pinche rubber chicken. He lives between the mountains in El Norte. People magazine claims he’s out to kill Will Ferrell for stealing his screenplay concept. We cannot verify that last factoid. Orale.

Camera turnes from the lonely cowboys to the lifeless body of Raquelita sprawled in the urinal, then to the face of Rual, the extremely macho, handsome desperado.

Organ music goes nuts
Cue Brazilian Butt Lift Workout commericial.
End Scene 2.5

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