La Presidencia

I’ve spent a good part of this last winter storm following the presidential election. I’m not learning a whole lot from the process, except that to be the leader of the free world you have to want it more than the very air you breath. I’m not sure I desire for the world a leader who wants the job that badly. Still, if I were elected president, I would be the first pepino in the White House. Never happened before. Look it up.

This is what I would do in my first 100 days:

  1. Outlaw unsolicited advice
  2. Make a presidential initiative for the promotion of the use of the phrase “I don’t know”. Mandate that it be used whenever a citizen doesn’t really know something. Violators would be sent to Guantanamo without trial.
  3. Sign into law the “Universal Snow Day”, whereas all employees in both the private and public sectors get the day off when schools are closed because of the weather. We need more people on the sledding hills and at the YMCA pool when there is an Act of God.
  4. Declare “Woopsy-Daisy” an official part of the American lexicon in honor of a dear patriot, Granny, who used the term whenever gravity did what gravity does (someone falls, “woopsy-daisy!”, the foul ball hits a windshield, “woopsy-daisy!”, someone accidently gets water-boarded, “woopsy-daisy!“….)
  5. Promote the revival of the daily newspapers, two in each town across the nation. Ban internet news of any kind. Subsidize heath care for paperboys. Mandate a maximum age for paper delivery personell. And encourage the use of bowler hats for journalists (a nice touch, I think).

Amo la democracia,

Presidente Suave

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