Sheryl Crow

I am a fan of Sheryl Crow. She is a real big celebrity. She sings. She writes songs. She performs. Hence, I go to her for advice. Actually, she comes to me with her advice. As well, she comes to government officials with her advice and wags her talented finger.
Recently Sheryl offered us the latest in Celebrity Two-Bits We Didn’t Solicit (CTBWDS). She wants us to use a nary one square of toilet paper @ sitting to address natures call, maybe a couple more on sittings when nature is more aggressive. This she brainstormed between gigs on her tour bus.
May I opine? A few suggestions for my Sheryls and Bruces and Chicks and Shawn Penns and whatnot:

1. Go acoustic. Always.
2. Refrain from electronic amplification of your voice or instruments.
3. Interviews should be done only with journalists using notebooks and pencil. Shoot, notebooks and pencils are the Auschwitz of our forests… Don’t do interviews.
4. Use public transportation. And green public transportation, at that. Don’t disappoint. I’d be broken hearted to see Angela and Brad lugging their gaggle of kiddies in a non-hybrid taxi.
5. Concerts should be lit by natural lighting. Day shows only.
6. All celebrities should live and pontificate in communal villages that put in to practice ideas sprung from very fortunate people with lots of leisure time and a huge public platform from which to spew.

Think of it. My ideas, adopted by real smart celebrities, and this world will be as green as a pickle….

Boca chancleta,

Profesor Suave

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